Wham! Bam! Thank You! Gay!
by keldjinfae
Summary: Was it possible that a magic baseball bat really turned Riku gay? Riku/Sora, T


**Author's note: **This was written for **White Silver and Mercury**'s birthday; happy birthday, You're-Not-My-Mother! If you're thinking the title, summary, and possibly even the following story is absolute crack, well... it is. This story was conceived after a discussion about when _not _to use exclamation points. Below is the result.

**Disclaimer:**_ Kingdom Hearts_ is owned by SquareEnix, Disney, and others who aren't I.

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**Wham! Bam! Thank You! Gay!**, by keldjinfae

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Riku's palm was itching in his glove. His eyes were stinging with sweat that he couldn't seem to wipe away entirely, his left leg was starting to cramp up, and his elbow was considerably scuffed from that slide he took to get to third base in the last inning—not that it had been worth it since Tidus had tried to show off for some girl in the stand and got himself out trying to steal second, the jackass. They were two hours into a baseball game, nobody was keeping track of innings so all they knew was that the score was ten to seven, and Riku was seriously beginning to question the length of his hair—especially since it had fallen out of its tie during that good-for-nothing slide.

Normally Riku wouldn't have minded; they hadn't had the opportunity to really hang out together for awhile and the moment the afternoon sun started streaming into Sora's living room, Tidus showed up and asked if they wanted to row out to the mainland to see if they could recruit enough people to get a game going in the park. One phone call to Kairi and a trip past Wakka's later, they piled into their boats with an adequate supply of baseballs and bats, mitts, Gatorade, and the intent to convince anyone else already at the park that baseball was the coolest way to spend their time. Everything had gone smoothly with newcomers getting along with their group, some little kids getting chances to bunt, and at one point a couple of families who lived nearby showing up with snacks to pass around.

Things started to change about an hour in, Riku surmised. He had just made it home after Wakka sent a grounder through the third baseman's legs, giving Wakka a safe sprint to first and Tidus a chance to hightail it to third, where he promptly teased the guy manning the base—some guy they went to school with, Riku had advanced swim with him or something. Sora was up to bat, and Riku was fairly confident that they would have another three runs in the bag if Sora could get it over in left field just enough, if not over the line for a home run altogether. He fist-bumped his shoulder in passing, sat down on the bench, twisted open a bottle of blue Gatorade, and wondered if maybe it was time to give in and wear some cut-off jeans or something because really, long pants in the summer time could chafe.

He took a long gulp from the Gatorade as Selphie called out from her spot next to him on the bench, promising Sora a basket of fries at the mainland's diner if he hit a homer. Then Sora turned around, winked at Selphie, told her he'd do it just for her, and swayed his hips on the way to the plate. Instead of spewing blue all over evenly mowed grass, Riku stupidly tried to swallow his mouthful of Gatorade and choked, then had to spend the next minute or so coughing and waving Selphie away because smacking his back really wasn't helping at all.

Sora hadn't quite made a home run, not that it mattered to Riku whether or not he got to go to the diner with Selphie, and when Selphie was up to bat she sent the ball straight into the glove of the girl in the right outfield for their third out. Why a small part of Riku felt satisfied, he wasn't sure. What he did know was that Sora didn't seem to be checking Selphie out while he was waiting on the bench, and instead asked Riku what time it was which gave him the perfect opportunity to tell him it was time for somebody to buy a watch. They all went back out onto the field to play defense and the game went on, ten to seven with one out on the other team; this was his priority right now, not listening to Selphie joke that her boyfriend Sora could kick Tidus's ass when he slipped an ice cube down her shirt.

Riku shifted his weight from his left leg to his right, trying to alleviate the throbbing in his knee, shook frazzled hair out of his eyes as he sized up the next person to step up to the plate. He locked eyes with Sora and nodded, made a sweeping motion with his right hand and smacked the heel of his padded left hand a few times with his fist. Sora nodded in return and drew up for the pitch.

Riku watched Sora go through the motions of a curve ball over the webbed fingers of his catcher's mitt: he drew up on the plate, eyes narrowing in concentration, right arm reeling back and coiling into an arc of poised tension, tongue sticking out for just a second before his lips curled away from clenched teeth and he threw himself forward to send the ball flying. The baseball went right into Riku's hand like it couldn't have gone anywhere else, striking out yet another player.

The opposing teammate on second didn't take the bait to sprint for third, instead remaining next to Selphie with one foot on the base and watching Sora for any sign for a chance to steal, not that Sora would ever give it to him; there was a reason he was always pitcher after all, even if everyone on the Islands believed he was made up of two left feet and club hands. Sure, you could stomp past him with bells around your neck and carry out all of his clothes and his mattress before he noticed something was amiss, but anyone who hoped to advance in a baseball game or take one of Sora's Cokes never stood a chance; Riku had the bruises to prove it.

Maybe that was why Selphie was suddenly asking Sora out for chili cheese fries and calling him her boyfriend. How Sora moved, or how he had to be really pressed before he said anything mean about anybody. Or maybe how he'd squint his eyes when he read anything from textbooks to drive-thru menus, or how he'd kick his heel with his other foot when he thought out something that was bothering him. Or his laugh. And maybe he had nice… fingernails. Or whatever.

Riku realized he was staring at Sora just as the other boy frowned and called out his name. He started, cursed himself for spacing out and shook his head to clear it, then flashed him their signal for a fast ball. Sora was frowning, hesitating like he wanted to ask Riku if something was wrong—not that Riku knew the answer himself—but then he shrugged and drew up for another pitch. With the catcher's focus back on the game, yet another player up to bat was struck out and Wakka managed to tag the last out they needed at third base; good, now that they were up to bat again, Riku could think about smacking a ball as hard as he could and running like hell.

Unfortunately, by the time Riku stepped up to the plate, his blood was racing in his veins and he had a knot in his neck the size of… well, a baseball; Selphie couldn't seem to start dropping Sora hints on the bench, and just when _that_ was beginning to filter into white noise in Riku's ears, Kairi decided to sit on his other side and remark on how "nice" they looked together. Honestly, Riku didn't see it, but the fact that other people _did_ just… bothered him. Why had he never noticed it before? What would happen if Riku climbed in through Sora's window for a late-night round of _Rock Band_ and landed on Selphie? What if he fell on them while they were…

"Hey, Riku, you gonna actually take a swing at that ball or are you waiting for it to invite you to a tea party?" Tidus shouted from first base. Riku looked down to see the baseball nestled in the glove of the other team's catcher. Oh: strike one. Riku frowned, shot a glare at Tidus, and squared his shoulders for the next pitch. He clenched his jaw, watched the pitcher reel up and send the ball toward him, put all the effort and frustration coiled in his upper back into the swing and met the ball with a satisfying _crack_ of sound... and sent the ball up in a pop fly and right into the glove of an outfielder, leaving Tidus scrambling for and just making it to second base. _Damnit_.

He made a conscious effort not to stomp or growl or give any indication that his mind was unraveling on his way back to the bench. Even so, upon reaching his destination, Sora leaned forward to see him over Kairi and asked him if he was okay. "I'm fine," Riku muttered. "Just think about those chili cheese fries." Sora's eyes widened and he issued an articulate "uh…" of confusion before it was his turn up to bat, and Riku was left with Kairi and Selphie. And why were they _smirking_ at each other? Riku barely held an eye roll in check and put his attention into watching the game, not Selphie and Kairi whispering to each other beside him. Whether or not he heard something along the lines of, "he's totally going for it" wasn't important; if Sora wanted to be suckered into a date at a diner, that was his own business.

It was Tidus who got them back out onto the field playing defense again after repeating the same dumb mistake and trying to steal third base, the moron, and after an entire circulation of their line-up and finding himself unable to ignore Kairi and Selphie's whispers, Riku was at his wit's end. In a nightmarish string of bad plays, he held his glove too high and let the ball roll right under his legs, didn't hold the ball out enough to the left and not only nicked it with the cuff of the mitt and sent the ball toward the gate, but allowed someone to reach home for a run. The whole time, Sora was giving him that _look_, the one with the _eyes_, and each time Riku found his hand-eye coordination went a little further out the proverbial window. What was this, the baseball game from _hell_?

Riku's string of mishaps nearly put the other team at a tie, this pitch determining whether or not they would still come out ahead at the end of the inning, and win or not he was praying to any higher power that would listen that they could just call it quits and go _home_ already—or the diner, if Selphie and Kairi had anything to say about it. Riku's brows drew together as he summed up the next batter, gave a quick wave to Sora for the next pitch, and held out his glove in preparation for the intended strike-out; with the guy on second edging away from the base and one out already underway, they could pull off a double play with a little finesse.

And then the call came from Tidus in the outfield: "Greg won't steal third 'cause he's checking out Sora's ass!" Selphie immediately supplied a "who wouldn't?" and Sora's cheeks proceeded to turn a darker shade of pink. Riku's temple began to pulse along with his knee, and his left eye started to twitch. He could hear Tidus's cackle sounding across the park, then, "Maybe Riku shouldn't be catching, he seems too frazzled—I always thought he was more of the pitching type anyway."

Any other time it would've been just another joke from Tidus, but this time Selphie yet again supplied a quip of her own from second base, "Yeah, come on, Sora, be catcher! Show off those short shorts!" It was then that Riku felt a surge of something he hadn't experienced since Kairi first came to the Islands, something possessive that made him do stupid things like open up doors and let evil women give him Very Bad Powers, but this time it managed to hit the message home in the simple shout, "Sora's shorts are mine!" before he even realized he'd opened his mouth.

Unfortunately, when his little Sora-epiphany hit him, so did a baseball bat—apparently that was what happened when someone was up to bat and a ball was pitched, and Riku managed to stand up just as the batter took a wild swing at a curve ball and connected with his forehead. Pain exploded like some kaleidoscope-type fireworks display and Riku suddenly found it very difficult to do much else but take shallow breaths and wonder if there was any blood. There was a ringing in his ears, which explained the lack of equilibrium he was experiencing, and after uncurling his hands and feeling grass under his fingertips he was able to figure out that the hit had landed him on his back—brilliant.

His vision came back first, bits and pieces bursting with hazy light like an old movie, all phasing together into one dreamy picture to find Sora standing over him… crying? Riku blinked a few times, lifted a hand to his forehead to touch the bump that was already forming. He closed his eyes, opened them slowly, fought the urge to shake his head to clear it; no, Sora was _laughing_, he could hear the sound filtering through the white noise, a little broken and distorted until it rang through clear as day. "So-ra?" He winced at the vibration the sound made in his skull. "How bad 's it?"

He didn't get an answer right away, which was reassuring, because if it had been truly bad Sora wouldn't have been laughing so hard. It also meant that Riku had screwed up in an epic way, either by headbutting a baseball bat or by staking a claim on Sora's clothes. Or both. Riku frowned and willed himself to get back up to speed with the rest of the real-time world. He caught the sounds of Tidus literally squealing with laughter in the outfield, the volume likely attracting spectators all over the park, and Wakka adding his own brand of harmony to the chorus from third base. Perfect.

That wasn't really the point of this spectacle though, and Riku grimaced, pushed himself up slowly into a sitting position and kept his weight on his elbows. Sora was on his knees just in front of him, sort of hunched over and clutching his stomach as he choked on laughter until tears welled up in his eyes; not exactly the best time to make your move, but hey, Selphie had already put up her own wager with _food_ and that was something Sora had a hard time refusing. "Milkshakes," he said, the paragon of eloquence.

"Huh?" Sora's giggles trailed off, replaced by growing concern. "Riku?" His eyes went from the swelling on Riku's forehead to his eyes, checking for any signs of a concussion. "We can get you to the clinic to get checked out," he said, eyebrows sort of furrowing the way they did when he had a plan, and Riku was beginning to realize that he was probably the only person who really ever noticed that sort of thing about him. "Or we could, uh, go somewhere out of sight and I could cast a Curaga," he whispered, leaning in closer to ensure that no one else heard as they made their way to home plate.

"Uh, no, no," Riku assured, forgetting the throbbing just long enough to attempt a head shake and immediately stopping when the world spun just a little. "No, I'm good. Well… uh… yeah, that bat hurt and I just gave Tidus material to use against me for the rest of our lives, but I'm fine. You can, uh, cast it later." Riku gave himself a moment to appreciate the thought of getting the chance to be alone with Sora later, experienced it in a way that was different from two best friends and instead as two best friends who were also something more. Oh, right, milkshakes, raise the stakes. "At the diner," he explained, as if Sora had heard him thinking—how hard had that kid swung that bat anyway? "I'll get us some milkshakes too."

Kairi's head popped up over Sora's shoulder, her attempts to hide her grin with her hand foiled by the shaking of her shoulders and her snorts of repressed laughter. "You gonna be okay, Riku? I've…" She broke into a fit of giggles. "I've never heard a declaration quite like that before." Riku groaned and slumped back onto the grass, eyes closed and hands spread over his face; the last thing he wanted was an _audience_.

Sora and Kairi both leaned forward and began trying to tug him back upright, worried he'd passed out. "'M, fine, guys," Riku muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look, Sora, I mean as a _date_. I'll… I'll buy your chili cheese fries." He waited a few seconds, apprehensive, then opened his eyes to gauge Sora's reaction.

He sort of felt like the world was opening up to swallow him… again, when Sora shook his head. "I can't let you do that, Riku," he said, eyes full of regret as he looked down. Riku sputtered, wondering if he could make a convincing argument or back out or _something_, but Sora went on, "I mean, I didn't actually hit a home run." He looked back up at him, grinning.

Riku stared up at him in disbelief, smug eyes watching through wily hair that couldn't quite stay tame under a baseball cap, and Kairi still giggling behind him. "Idiot," he muttered, swatting at him with the arm that wasn't still draped over his head.

Sora chuckled and held out his hand to help him up. "Says the guy who had to get brained with a bat before he made a move."

Riku got up onto his feet, slowly, testing his balance as well as enjoying the feel of Sora's arm supporting his lower back with one arm as he draped Riku's over his shoulder. He felt there was one bit that needed clarification as they began to walk away from the baseball field, and he made it a point to ignore Tidus rolling around on the grass, shrieking about Sora's shorts. "Um, the bat didn't make me gay, by the way."

Sora stopped walking, helped Riku maintain his balance at the unexpected pause, looked up at him and snorted. "Yeah, I didn't think so. But, you know, after a potion shrank me and a duck turned me into a lion, anything's possible." He smirked. "It kind of took you a little while to figure things out though; you looked like you were going to swallow your own tongue when Selphie said she liked my ass."

Then it was Riku's turn to stop, and Sora had to scramble to a halt before they both stumbled. "Wait… that was… what, a set-up?" His thoughts raced, pieces falling into place. "Kairi and Selphie, _you_? _All_ of you?" He couldn't get his mind around it, possibly because of the bat. "This was all planned?"

Sora snickered, started moving forward again and tugging Riku after him. "Dude, you really suck at romance." But then he kissed him, quick and simple, just to the right of his mouth, and Riku didn't mind so much about the plotting, the public displays of stupidity, about anything really other than the fact that Sora kissed him. So maybe he'd buy Sora a burger at the diner, too.


End file.
